Taking a Sex Therapist to Hedonism II

When a Sex Therapist Visits Hedonism ll

Being a sex therapist, I have open and accepting views when it comes to all things sex. I can work with couples, throuples, or any other relationship dynamic with ease. I encourage my clients to expand their sexual experiences, to live in the present, and take healthy risks when the situation presents itself. I help people achieve ultimate acceptance of self and help normalize kinks or specific desires. However, I tend to be more reserved. I want to challenge boundaries and comfort levels but the opportunity doesn’t present itself as often as I would like. With that said, when Fox suggested that we visit Hedonism ll I was equally thrilled and terrified. Would I be able to shed my clothes? These clothes hide my flaws, my insecurities, and provides me with a sense of safety. There were so many questions and reservations that I could have used as an excuse but that would make me a hypocrite. How can I work with clients to overcome their insecurities if I am not willing to take my advice?

Preparing for Hedonism ll

Preparing for Hedonism ll was nerve-wracking! I was going into this trip blind having never been to any sort of resort like this before. I ordered all the theme night outfits, dresses for the evening dinners, and clothes to wear around the resort. I started eating very clean and working out more consistently to help combat my body image insecurities several months before the date of our trip.

Fox and I talked about our boundaries, realistic and unrealistic expectations, and how we would handle conflict if something were to arise. These conversations helped me battle my abandonment issues and calmed my fears of him finding someone else better than me. I might be a counselor but I have all of the same issues as every other woman I know in some form. After eating healthy, working out regularly, and some hard conversations with Fox, I felt prepared and ready to enjoy everything the week had to offer. Armed with our negative COVID tests, we were off for an adventure.

Arriving at Hedonism ll

When we landed in Montego Bay my anxiety ramped up to the max. Every thought imaginable plagued my mind. What if people don’t like me? What if my body is not sexy to anyone besides Fox? What if I wasn’t comfortable being naked? So many ‘what ifs’ rushed through my ADHD brain.

As we drove to the resort, I started beating myself up about not working out enough, not tanning enough, and so much more. It didn’t help that Jamaican drivers are crazy which further intensified my anxiety.

We pulled up to the resort and my heart sank to my stomach, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was meant to be fun. We were greeted by a very happy and energetic bellman who immediately said, ‘Welcome Home!’. I believe it was at this point that I finally smiled and took a breath. We were ushered to big, plush chairs, provided adult beverages (which I slammed in about 2 drinks), and given a bag full of goodies.

As we are sitting there, it was 7 minutes into my Hedo experience, a black car pulls up and a loud, bubbly blonde jumps out of the car. She was wearing bathing suit bottoms, or panties, I never really knew and a tank top that wasn't covering her large titties. I remember thinking to myself, I could never be that open and free. She was already heavily influenced by adult beverages, loud and vulgar. I just looked at Fox, my eyes were probably as big as small plates and I believe the color left my face. I told him; I can’t do this. Fox lovingly reassured me and we were taken to our room. As we walked to our room you could still hear her throughout the dining room. Her laugh was infectious yet terrifying. She was having the time of her life and I was more terrified than ever. We ended up becoming great friends with this fun couple and still keep in touch with them.

As we were walking to our room with Batman, naked people were walking around the resort with ease. I hadn’t made up my mind if I would be comfortable being naked but these individuals made it look easy and liberating. Our room was a cozy, garden view oasis that was tucked away in a safe corner of the building. This brought me comfort knowing that I was slightly hidden.

My Growth at Hedonism ll

I decided on the first day that this was going to be a trip where I didn’t say no to anything that wasn’t a hard stop for me. I have an extreme fear of rejection and disappointing people so this could have been a setback for me if I allowed it but I made the decision to practice what I preach to clients and give it a try. I knew that I wouldn’t grow in my journey if I don’t push my limits outside of my safe, comfort zone that I was nestled so firmly in.

It was during our first night there that I stripped down naked and went to the nude pool. This process was quite comical. I would step out of the room, jump back in, give myself a pep talk and walk back out of the room. This process happened several times before I threw caution to the wind and went to the nude pool in my birthday suit. This initial walk to the pool helped me realize that I could push myself and not die. I know that is dramatic but there are many times individuals hold themselves back from liberating experiences due to fear and panic. I was proud of myself and I am sure that Fox was beaming.

Each day while we were there, I pushed my boundaries farther than ever before. I was participating in activities that I never imagined myself taking part in, and I loved every minute of it. We were having such a great time; we extended our stay by 4 days! I cannot recall a time in my life where I have ever had so much fun, met so many new friends and pushed myself to a life-changing level.

Things I learned about myself:

1. I thoroughly enjoy being naked. It is liberating to not be ashamed of my body

2. I can push past being uncomfortable when trying new things

3. I should say ‘yes’ to more experiences

4. I am lovable and valuable

5. People believe in me and my abilities

6. Educating others is truly my passion in life

7. I am more of an exhibitionist than I originally thought

8. I am good at giving blowjobs

Leaving Hedonism ll

Pulling away from the resort I felt as if I had been in a very vivid dream. I was sad that we had to leave but it was time to go home. After 10 solid days of being hedonistic, we were exhausted. There were so many times during the trip that I paused to take it all in at that moment, and I verbalized on many occasions that this couldn’t be real life. We met many great and wonderful people that will now be lifelong friends. I now understand what an adult playground truly is, and I want to go back soon.

In closing, I wish I could have every couple I work with experience a week as we had. Fox and I left the resort closer than we have ever been in our relationship, we supported each other when pushing boundaries, and we made amazing memories as a couple. I want to encourage you to plan a trip to a topless or clothing optional resort. I want to assure you that you are not the only one who feels insecure but that quickly fades away. I want you to evaluate what issues might be holding you back from experiencing this for yourself and give yourself permission to push past the negativity and truly live your life to the fullest.