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Ghosting - abruptly cutting off communication without explanation - has become prevalent across various aspects of modern life, including the swinger lifestyle. While it might seem like an easy solution to avoid confrontation or rejection, ghosting carries several negative consequences for individuals, relationships, and the larger swinging community.
This blog post explores the adverse effects of ghosting in the swinger lifestyle, including how it impacts rejection sensitivity dysphoria, self-confidence, societal perception, and interpersonal relationships. Additionally, we will provide six alternatives to ghosting to promote healthier communication and a more positive and respectful approach.
1. Impact on Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria: Ghosting can trigger and exacerbate rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) - a heightened response to perceived rejection. Individuals experiencing RSD may develop intense anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem due to being ghosted. This can hinder their ability to engage with others in the swinging community and negatively impact their overall well-being (Dolev, Diamond, & Tovar-Blank, 2018).
2. Erosion of Self-Confidence: Being ghosted can significantly undermine an individual's self-confidence. The lack of closure and communication leaves them doubting their worth or attractiveness, leading to self-doubt and diminished self-esteem. The swinger community can preserve individuals' confidence and foster a more positive environment by practicing respectful rejection and offering clear explanations.
3. Negative Social Perception: Ghosting perpetuates a negative perception of the swinger lifestyle in broader society. It reinforces stereotypes of promiscuity, infidelity, and the lack of emotional connections within the community. Such perceptions can stigmatize and isolate individuals involved in the lifestyle, impeding their ability to engage with others and receive support openly.
4. Strained Interpersonal Relationships: Ghosting has a detrimental effect on interpersonal relationships within the swinger lifestyle. It propagates an atmosphere of avoidance, mistrust, and shallowness. Couples or potential play partners who experience ghosting may become hesitant to engage further, leading to fractured connections and difficulty building meaningful relationships. This lack of trust and communication contradicts the very essence of the swinger lifestyle.
Alternatives to Ghosting:
a. Clear and Honest Communication: Engage in open and honest dialogue, expressing your thoughts, boundaries, and desires.
b. Polite Rejection: If you are not interested in pursuing further involvement, respectfully inform the other couple or individual, briefly explaining your decision.
c. Establish Boundaries in Advance: Communicate your boundaries and expectations before engaging in any activities or commitments, ensuring everyone is on the same page.
d. Negotiate Preferences: Address any concerns or conflicts actively. Find ways to negotiate and accommodate each other's preferences, fostering a more inclusive and empathetic environment.
e. Offer Supportive Feedback: If ending a connection, provide constructive and supportive feedback to help the other couple or individual understand your perspective and improve their future experiences within the lifestyle.
f. Seek Mediation or Counseling: If conflicts are difficult to resolve, consider involving a mediator or seeking professional counseling to navigate the challenges and maintain the relationships' integrity.
Conclusion Ghosting in the swinger lifestyle affects rejection, sensitivity dysphoria, and self-confidence, perpetuates negative stereotypes, and strains interpersonal connections within the community. By embracing alternatives to ghosting, such as open communication, polite rejection, boundary establishment, and seeking solutions through mediation, individuals can foster a healthier and more fulfilling swinger lifestyle experience. Ultimately, by prioritizing respectful communication, trust, and understanding, the swinger community can create a positive and inclusive environment for all involved.
Dramatically yours,
Dr. Stephanie
Dr. Stephanie, PhD is the founder of Evolve Your Intimacy and the author of two books, The Clinician's Guide to Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships: Working with Clients with Alternative Lifestyles and The Anti-Fight Journal, Fighting Fair in Relationships.
Being ethically non-monogamous in her personal life, she is passionate about helping others discover their relationships' true potential regardless of the dynamics. She specializes in working with individuals in alternative relationships in her private practice and hosts workshops and playshops at events, on cruises, and through her online platform.
She holds a PhD in Clinical Sexology, an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas, Arizona, South Dakota, and Florida, and a Certified Sex Therapist. If you want to work with Dr. Stephanie, schedule a free consultation.
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References:
Dolev, T., Diamond, G., & Tovar-Blank, Z. G. (2018). Rejection sensitivity dysphoria in obsessive-compulsive personality disorder: an unrecognized and understudied problem. Personality and Mental Health, 12(3), 237–244.
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